Why Me?

When I was growing up, I was always chunky. At times I was fat, I would thin out, only to gain the weight back. I looked back on pictures when I was under the age of 6, and I was actually skinny. I couldn't understand why me? What did I do to deserve being fat? What did I do to deserve the teasing, the stares and the ridicule? It just did not seem fair. My mom had always struggled with her weight too, and said I was walking in her foot steps.
I tried Weight Watchers, and it worked great for a while, but then I stopped losing, and soon lost motivation to track my points every day. I decided to just watch what I ate, but to no avail. I had no desire to try pre-packaged foods, because I returned to a normal diet I would gain the weight back. I got to a point where I just accepted the fact I would never be skinny. I would always hate my body, and never feel comfortable in my own skin.
But then when I got pregnant, and after having my daughter, I have found I have continued to gain. At least before pregnancy I would hit a certain weight, and never go over. I never went over 216 pounds. Sometimes I would go all the way down 195, only to shoot back up. But once my body had changed, it decided that 240 pounds was a better stopping point.
Even though I am married, I still feel completely insecure. I don't feel good enough. And I am at a point where I will try anything. I know I need to change my mind, and take control of my body. I need to be the person I want to be. But it is going to be hard to change. My family has always just made a ton of food, regardless of how "healthy" it is. I'm used to eating whatever I want, whenever I want, without thinking of the consequences. When I was in college, I felt like I had more control. But once I gave up, and "accepted" myself as I am, I stopped caring and got into some nasty eating habits.

In order to hold myself accountable, and in order to hopefully be some sort of inspiration, I am pledging to be completely honest. I want to share my transformation with everyone, including weights and pictures. Down to every single inch. Will it be hard to put the most embarrassing part of me out there for the world see, when I have spent so much time sucking in my stomach to hide what I have become? Absolutely. But I know other people have given up.
You don't have to embarrassed, you don't have to be depressed. You don't have to hate looking in the mirror and shopping. I hope to prove that!