R1 VLCD 7

Yesterday, I did not post.
We had a cheating day, for Jason's birthday.
I tried to do as well as I could, I had a small amount of mashed potatoes, and I had a glass of coke. But a lot of things I would normally get, I didn't.

I'm having a hard time with this.
You might not understand it, everyone is different.
But it is hard to change everything about how you eat over night.
To stop the snacking, to cut out the pop.
This diet is so limited, and I am trying so hard to put on my big girl panties and just do it, but it is also difficult when your husband isn't putting his all into it either. When both of us are getting bored, at the end of the day, its easier to quit. Do I want to do that? Do I want to give up? No. But at the same time. I am wondering if I went into this wrong.

I wonder if I should have tried to clean up my eating little by little.
Or maybe, being thin isn't what life is all about.
I should be happy with the fact I have a husband who loves me no matter what I weigh, and a daughter who adores me as well, no matter what I weigh.
But instead, I am more concerned with what everyone else thinks. is this all about me? No. Would I love to be smaller? Yes. But this is also about how I feel in public. My insecurities that my husband is surrounded by skinny, pretty girls, meanwhile his wife is overweight. I'm 21, I shouldn't be worried about being over weight. Worried about other women. Especially when my husband doesn't give me a reason to worry about them.
But it's there. The insecurity. So I can't be completely honest when I say this is all about me and no one else. Of course it is about everyone else.
I don't think I need to be thin to be healthy. Making better choices and watching my portions would do that.

I want to finish this diet, I really do, but at the same time, it is very hard. I don't like fighting with my grandma why we can't have dinner with her because she doesn't make things we can eat. Essentially, this diet is separating me from family. I've been sick, yet have had to cook because I couldn't send Jason for pizza so I could rest. Jason hates the small portions and limited options. I find myself more stressed about his complaining and stressing over every little thing I eat and how it will effect the scale. That can't be healthy either.

This might not be the best time to do this diet.
But we've invested time and money into this, and it might not be the best to just give up either.